The Xelapan ladies

As I have a lot of time to analyze people, and by a lot, i mean A LOT, i have developed a tendency to notice people´s actions and reactions. The latest, coming out of a bakery in Malmö. As I walk in, I expected the regular "buenos dias, pase adelante", one gets in all bakeries in Guatemala. At least, I expected a simple "welcome in". None. Not even a hint. So I walked in, assuming I was anyway welcome, took the bread I wanted, a couple of cocoa milks (chocomils...as they are called in Guate) and went to the cashier. As I greeted the middle aged cashier, in the polite way my parents taught me too, she just turned to me and said Hej!, barely lifting her face, enough to see me. She took the bread from my basket, put it in a paper bag, and said "tretifem femti" thirty five fifty. I placed a 50 crown note on the desk, and in two seconds, as if she knew what kind of note i had, she took it and placed a bunch of coins on the desk. I stood there, waiting for her to pick the damn coins and nicely put them in my hands. Too long, she was not about to. So I took the money, said thankyou very much, have a good day, and in vain, waited for a farewell.

As I walked out, I started thinking what a rude lady she was. And started missing the Xelapan ladies of the post office street in Xela. Almost robotically, everytime I would open the door, they instantly said "buenos dias pase adelante" as soon as i hit the cashier..."hay algo mas en que le pueda ayudar", change in my hand, "datos para su factura?" , my receipt and "buenas tardes, que le vaiga bien". I know... it is wrong said, but at least it was said. I thought of the reason, and this came to my mind. I accept any comments debating this: Life for working class in Guatemala is Miserable. Low wagers, long hours and poor social security make guatemalan´s lives bitter. That is why we watch novelas, and why we go to church. That is why we read nuestro diario and watch con buena onda. That is why there is always money for cusha. And specially why we talk to random people. Because we need to find a light at the end of the tunnel. A valve where our sorrows escape. A tiny split second, where we can share that miserability with others. The warmth of our people is a reaction to the coldness of our situation. We love to be around others because we don´t feel safe alone. We need confirmation.

However, looking at the lives of people in here, I realized that in two and a half months in here, some people haven´t gone out once. Some people have not received a visit. Some people don´t know the names of their classmates. Some people don´t even know where to find a coffee shop. Some people have friends they don´t see, or don´t talk too, for betrayals that happened before. Yet are too scared to find new ones. These people are miserable.

And then it hit me... would I rather be miserable and friendly? poor but happy? underdeveloped but positive? Or would it be better to be miserable and alone? rich but sorrow? superdeveloped but esceptical? I think, if

I am to be miserable, I rather have a shoulder to cry on... miss you guys.